Suicide is one of those things that no one can completely understand. Even those of us who have tried or have thoughts of trying are still taken by suprise when we lose a friend to it. Yesterday some friends of mine lost their mother to suicide. You know it was easy to point the finger and say "How could she do that to her kids?" but to be straight I know that she is no more guilty than I am. The times that I've tried I knew I was hurting the people close to me, and maybe people who weren't. I knew what the affect would be on people and I was too focused on myself to care. So what she did is no worse than what I tried to do.
They say suicide is the cowards way out. I both agree and disagree. Most of the time it takes a lot of fear to push you to the point of trying, but to be perfectly honest as someone who's been there: It takes a lot more courage to keep going once you started, or more fear of what you're running from than death. I wasn't afraid of death. But when I got on the end of that rope and had hung for less than a second I got scared. And I don't get scared. I got scared enough that I got on something and tried to untie my ropes. If a friend hadn't walked in, I might have given up and tried again, but a friend saved my life. I'll never forget the look of pain, sadness, and anger that my friend had when they saw me.
"For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." Phillipians 1:21. A lot of Christians suffer from depression and are suicidal. I'd be willing to bet that alot of them, like me, look at this verse and have no clue what "to live is Christ" means, but totally get the part about death being gain. The fact is Christ is a noun. Gain is an adjective. To us, the word Christ doesn't fit in that spot. I look forward to the gain; lots of us look forward to it. But unfortunatly it's not our job to call the shots. It's not our job to decide when we get that ultimate reward that we long for. And when we try to call the shots we just hurt everyone around us more.
So what can we do about suicide. My friend, who is very passionate about the subject, says that suicide is one of the biggest problems facing our world today, and it's also the least talked about - especially in our churchs. I tried to defend that fact, by saying that there isn't much in the Bible on it, but my friend said that's not good enough, because we were called to reach the world where it's at. So what we can do about suicide is find out about it. Stop being scared to talk about it. 1 in 3 people have suicidal thoughts in some point in their life. We aren't alone! And talking about suicide in church and with your friends will show people that they aren't alone! Make a pastor write a sermon on it.
People who are suicidal need to help fight it too. I know there aren't many trustworthy people out there, but find someone that you can trust and tell them what you're going through. Not everyone who thinks about killing themselves needs to go to the phsyc ward or get a shrink, but everyone needs someone they can talk to. So make an effort. The friends I made at the place I was in kept me from giving in a lot sooner, and stopped me the time that I tried there. Find someone. And pray. That's all you can do. And I'll pray too. I'm praying for all those people out there suffering from depression and suicdal thoughts.
So this in an incomplete thought because as much as I know about this, I know nothing. But seriously just find someone you can trust to help you if you're going through it, and maybe be that person for someone else. I promise you aren't alone no matter how deep your rut feels.
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